RE: RE: RE: RE: Dear Mrs. Mayer...
Date: Wed Sep 10 [12:20 PM]
Posted By: Jack Belsito, President, Mott's Inc. ()
Jackie Jr., I know this is going to hard for you to understand, but Daddy has to spend some time away from home for a little while. I want you to understand though, that Daddy loves you very much, and you'll always be my special Li'l Clamdigger, no matter how many up-and-coming, hotshot marketing executives Mommy chooses to do "business" with.
That's right, Diane, I know all about your afternoon trysts with "Clamato," or should I say...Tad Pendleton III! That's right, Diane, the same Tad Pendleton III who was convicted for 12 violations against the SEC in 1997. The same Tad Pendleton III who set up that corporation in the Cayman Islands to make bootleg Clamato out of...ketchup and brine shrimp.
Honestly Diane, I gave you more credit than that. When we first met, I honestly thought you shared my passion for seafood-based beverages, but I guess you've been living a lie all these years. I know the magic has been gone for a while, but I thought underneath it all, we still had something. And it's not even your affair with "Clamato" that hurt me the most. I could understand someone young coming along and sweeping you off your feet, reigniting your passion for the tangy, refreshing zing of Clamato Original, or even new Clamato Energia, the exciting new energy drink with ginseng, guarana, and taurine. Much as it hurt, I could somehow understand your unfaithfulness to me. The real dagger in my heart, Diane, was the bottle of V-8 I found in your nightstand. That was just unforgivable.
So Diane, you and Tad have made your bed, a bed that will never know the true bliss that comes from seafood-based beverage satisfaction, and now you must lie in it.
I for one have found true happiness in the arms of Mrs. Judy Mayer of Lakewood, Ohio. Unlike you, she's not caught up in all the glitz and glamor of the seafood-based beverage industry. She's just a simple, honest woman with integrity, a woman who still believes, as I do, in the common, everyday magic of a cool, refreshing glass of Clamato Original.
Oh, and I just spoke to my attorney, Diane, and the pre-nup is watertight. You can keep the house, there are far too many memories there for me now anyway. But you will not get your claws into the zesty, tangy, refreshing goodness that is Clamato, so help me God!
Oh, and I also get custody of Jackie Jr.
Sincerely,
Jack Belsito
President, Mott's Inc.
In Reply To: RE: RE: RE: Dear Mrs. Mayer...
(Jackie Belsito, Jr.)
