Dear Mrs. Mayer...
Date: Tue Sep 9 [9:36 PM]
Posted By: Jack Belsito, President, Mott's Inc. (jbelsito@clamato.com)
Dear Mrs. Mayer,
It is with a heavy heart that I read your letters expressing outrage and disappointment in Clamato. I value the opinions of loyal, lifelong Clamato enthusiasts like yourself very highly, and in this instance, Mrs. Mayer, I share them.
You are absolutely right, this kind of lowest-common-denominator marketing is not the kind of foundation upon which this fine company was built. It was built on a solid foundation of trust. On this foundation, bricks made up of a sense of right and wrong, held together with the mortar of common decency. Good old fashioned American values. And Mrs. Mayer, these sturdy roots of the majestic Mott's family tree are not reflected in the base, vulgar advertising of my recent hire, the fellow who goes simply by the name "Clamato."
Well, "Clamato," after your initial burst of unbridled, unparalleled passion for the undisputed market leader in the Seafood Blend category, I never thought I would hear myself say this, but...you're fired. That's right, pack your things and get out. You have until the end of the day. Clarence here will escort you out. You may keep your crystal "I'm A Clamtastic Team Member" paperweight and your company softball uniform, but the clamshell stapler stays here.
Mrs. Judy Mayer of Lakewood Ohio, I hope this clears any ill will you may have had towards towards Mott's Inc. in general and Clamato in particular. I sincerely hope you will rejoin us as a member of the Clamato family and let us fill all of you and your family's seafood-based beverage needs from now until the end of time. And any other needs you may have, Mrs. Mayer. Just let me know. I'm a wealthy and powerful man, Mrs. Mayer. I could easily make all of your seafood-based beverage dreams come true. Just think about it. No more clipping coupons, wondering if there will be enough frosty, refreshing Clamato left for little Billy and Susie. No more rationing that delicious, briny-tangy taste to just one measly bottle per day! All the Clamato you could ever want in a thousand lifetimes could be yours, Mrs. Judy Mayer! You could bathe in it if you wanted!
Think about it.
Yours always,
Jack Belsito
President, Mott's Inc.
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