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« March 2003 |
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| May 2003 »
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THE FEELING RETURNS TO MY TYPING FINGERS
Well, I'm now officially unemployed. I'm pretty sure I can't get unemployment either. I mean, I could argue it to somebody that I tried to call in sick, but screw it. I've got next month covered, fortunatly, as long as I eat like nothing but raman noodles all month.
Honestly, after what happened Sunday though, it seems like money is the least of my worries. I feel like i should be calling a priest or something. I haven't shaved in days, not that I've got that much of a beard to begin with, but still it's getting all itchy and stuff. After what I saw on the tape though, I'm afraid to have any sharp objects in my hands.
Here's what Sunday's tape shows:
I'm sitting there playing NBA 2k3 when suddenly, I drop the controller, get up and crouch down into a 3 point stance. I start yelling out a bunch of numbers like a NFL QB, and this is the part that really freaks me out, because it's like I'm hearing somebody else's voice. It's like I'm possessed or something. I mean, like, if my voice was this deep in high school the chicks would of been all over me. Then I sprint forward, tear through the TV tray-table, and freaking tackle my CD rack. The Cd's fly all over the place and then I yell out this sort of victory cheer and then collapse on the floor for about 20 or 30 seconds, then I get up and check the tape. My right arm and wrist are all bruised.
After I saw this, I was completely freaked out. I mean, like heart pounding, cold sweat, shaking, the works. I bolted to the window, and the neighbor's car isn't there, thank god, or that guy would of probably already been here kicking my ass for all the noise and stuff. I've never been so freaked or scared in my life. I mean, obviously, since it took me almost three whole days to calm down enough to even be able to write. I mean, I felt like I was in the twilight zone or something. I couldn't move or really do anything for like a day and a half. Every time the phone rang or the AC kicked on, or any little noise, I jumped. I didn't even bother calling in sick to work, and Pete called, but I didn't even answer, I didn't even care. What the hell was I going to tell him? What am I going to tell anybody? I felt like any second the dudes in white coats were gonna show up with a butterfly net. For a while I even kept checking the peephole for them.
There is now no doubt in my mind that these blackouts are a direct result of that beta test. I mean, I kinda figured it all along, but after seeing the tape, with the football stuff, there's no way it could be anything else. I can't explain what's happening to me, and I don't have any way of proving it yet, but I will. And when I do, these assholes are gonna have some kinda lawsuit on their hands! I mean, I lost my job over this crap, not to mention my sanity, and most of my friends, who now think I'm a complete nut case. Not that I'm one of these people who walks around hoping i'll slip and fall so i can sue someone, but if these people messed with my head, they need to fix it or be held accountable.
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7TH BLACKOUT: CAUGHT ON TAPE
Oh my god. I watched the tape tonight and i was
i cant dothis tright now.
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NOTHING
Played Halo for 6 hrs and nothing happened.
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6TH BLACKOUT: CAUGHT ON TAPE
OH MAN. This was weird. I just blacked out, and I caught it on tape. I was playing Halo and passed out on the couch and then about 30 secs later I woke up on the floor, but apart from just passing out, nothing happened. Just remembered I'd been playing Halo when I woke up on the floor with the halogen lamp. Maybe Halo is some kind of trigger?? I should stay up and play some more and see what happens.
Almost 3:30 and i need some sleep. I’ll try tomorrow.
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"YOU'VE REACHED THE CRAZY RESIDENCE, PLEASE LEAVE A MESSAGE"
Nothing.
Karen called tonight but I just let the machine get it, cuz I figured if I talked to her, she'd realize just how crazy I'm getting. Better to just not answer and let her wonder exactly how crazy. I feel like I'm turning into one of those guys you see on the news that has a freezer full of cub scout parts in ziplock bags and the neighbor always says, "He was such a nice quiet guy, I just can't believe it." Well, actually I guess MY neighbor wouldn't say that.
Karen said she really misses me.
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BETA-7'S 1ST LAW OF SHIRT-O-DYNAMICS
Nothing, and these stupid tapes all look exactly alike: my bored ass on the couch, but with a different shirt every night. Just keep changing those shirts every day! That'll keep away those blackouts! I'm really grasping at straws here. This sucks.
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IN CONTROL...?
Still nothing, but maybe that's not such a bad thing. Maybe this routine I'm going through every day has switched my brain into some other mode or something, maybe my subconscious will is controlling it or something. I need to figure out what it is I'm doing that's keeping me from having the blackouts lately.
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BETA-7: RESIDENT FREAK
HAD to go to work today, and it felt weird. Alot of whispers going on, I think everybody's starting to think I'm some kind of crackhead or something. I'm not really a praying man, but I actually said a prayer before work today that I didn't freak out, at least not until I got home and got the camera rolling.
Tonight's tape: absolutely nothing. I'm getting really sick of looking at my bored ass on this couch every night.
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UNKIND AND LOSING MY MIND
Ha ha, it's 4/20 and I can't even enjoy it, although to judge by Jeremy you'd think it's a national holiday or something. Fortunately he's been staying in his room, I think cuz he thinks I've totally flipped out, and honestly it'd be tough to argue with him on that one.
Another day of veging and fast forwarding, and still nada.
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A VEGE ON EDGE
Almost 18 hours of non-stop vegging today and still nothing. Normally vegging is a-ok with me, but its like i'm on edge the whole time, waiting and can't really enjoy it.
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HOLED UP
Called in sick today, so I could have today, Saturday and Sunday at home uninterrupted. I think Pete is probably gonna fire me pretty soon, but I don't care, this is my health and sanity we're talking about here. Stocked up on coffee, cokes, poptarts, burritos, pizzas, deli meats and bread and I am not leaving this apartment the whole weekend. It's like a goddamn bomb shelter in here. Moved the coffee table out of the way so i don't trip and bust my head open. This is gonna work.
Okay, it's almost 2:00 am now and I've done nothing but sit on my ass for like 15 straight hours. Just FF'd thru the tapes to see if I noticed any tics or anything out of the ordinary. Nothing. Try again tomorrow.
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LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION!
If you want something done right, sometimes you just gotta do it yourself. I've been whining about needing to find help, or a doctor, or whatever, but today I just decided what the hell, I'm a smart guy, I can figure this out. I'm not gonna let this crap control my life anymore.
Late last night I had a great idea: borrow Rob's camcorder and tripod and set it up in the living room. I'm going to tape myself just sitting around, watching tv, doing whatever until I have another blackout, and then maybe if I can see what I'm doing during these things or what triggers them maybe it'll give me some clue as to what to do about them. I didn't have one today, but that's okay, I don't seem to ever have them within a day or two of each other, so I need to just keep taping till I figure this crap out.
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5TH BLACKOUT: VERY UN-NEIGHBORLY BEHAVIOR
Oh man. Oh man o man o man. This crap has crossed over into like a whole other realm or something now. I'm watching South Park and there's this POUNDING on the door, like it's the FBI or something. I bolt up and look through the peephole and it's the fat dude with the beard from across the way and he looks PISSED, so I say through the door, can I help you. He says, "You better open this goddam door right now before I call the police, you little son of a bitch!" Well, as pissed as this dude is, opening the door is about the last thing I wanna do right now, but I also don't really want the cops showing up, and I KNOW Jeremy doesn't, so...
I put the chain on the door and open slowly, bracing for it to get kicked in or something, and he starts in with who do you think you are, my wife's been crying all night and why don't you try a move like that with me, tough guy, and I'm like whoa, slow down sir, I don't know what you're talking about. But this just seemed to piss him off even more. He's got his foot in the door so I can't close it.
I figure arguing isn't really going to help me with this guy, so I just start apologizing like crazy like I did with Pete. I tell him I have a medical condition and have these episodes from time to time. I guess somehow I thought he would buy it better if I used the word "episodes". At first he sort of laughs, like I'm totally feeding him a load. I don't want him to call the cops, so I tell him my doctor just gave me some new medicine and it won't happen again, please please don't call the cops. He says it better not, medical condition or not, he's gonna take my head off if I even go near his wife again. He finally pulls his foot out of the door and goes stomping off. I'm shaking like a leaf.
Now I feel like I literally can't even go out to get the mail or anything, or I'm gonna get my ass kicked. This SUUUUUUCKS!
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PARTY POOPER
Unbelievably sick all-day party over at Meghan's today. Or so I heard. I was too paranoid to go, cuz it seems like the heat from the lamp incident is finally starting to die down, so I figured that's all I need right now. I blamed my absence on the ankle.
I heard Karen was there and was asking about me, was my ankle okay, that sort of thing. Jeremy said he didn't see her Cro-mag frat boy there. Hmm...
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BACK TO WORK
Today I figured I have to work, no matter what. I can't take any more days off or my check is gonna be like 8 bucks next week. I wrapped an ace bandage around my ankle, and Pete had me on expo, so I didn't have to move around too much, which was cool. I think he would of let me go home, but I told him I really needed the money anyway. Thank god, no blackouts. Knock on wood, etc.
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STILL HOBBLIN'
Called in sick again today, and Pete had that "Your really trying my patience here, kid" kind of tone in his voice again. Damn. Just sat around all day with my foot up on the coffee table playing tony hawk for most of the day, which would normally be cool, but i just kept thinking about all the money i'm not making today.
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4TH BLACKOUT: MYSTERY SPRAIN
Woke up this morning, got out of bed, and couldn't walk because my right ankle was sprained. SPRAINED! As in all yellow, and swollen like a bratwurst. It hurt like a bitch, but I figured it probably wasn't broken cuz it'd probably be all black then. I can move my foot a little, but I can't put any pressure on it. Not having insurance sucks.
I called in sick to work today. Pete sighed and paused and then said okay. He wasn't being a dick or anything, but I could tell he was mad. I told him, I really sprained my ankle, he could come over and see for himself if he wanted, but he just said, "No, that's okay," and hung up.
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DOCTOR, MY BRAIN HURTS!
Did a search on webmd.com, entered my symptoms, but couldn't find anything that sounds like what I've got. My head is still kinda sore, but other than that, okay. Decided today to start drinking coffee again. Lots of coffee. Like even more than I used to. Obviously the green tea isn't helping my brain the way Id like it to, and maybe a 180 shift like this will do something. I dunno. Maybe if I have enough caffeine in my system I won't be able to black out because my body won't be physically able.
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3RD BLACKOUT: RUMBLE IN THE KITCHEN
DAMMIT! IT FREAKING HAPPENED AGAIN! AAAAAAAARRRRRRGH!
Another blackout. Again in the living room, although I wasn't even playing anything this time, just watching TV. I've been trying not to play so much lately, to see if that had any relationship to these weird blackouts, but then even the few times i did play I was fine.
Then, tonight I'm just chilling on the couch, mellow as can be, and the next thing I know, I wake up on the kitchen floor. My head is killing me, pounding. One of the kitchen chairs is all busted up next to me, and there's a big dent in the fridge. Thank god jeremy wasn't home, and thank god the kitchen set is mine, but I will have to explain the fridge somehow. I dunno if I can take any more of this. I hardly even go out anymore. What if this crap happens while I'm at work?
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MY REPUTATION PRECEDES ME...
Well, it's been exactly one week since the lamp incident and I feel just fine, at least physically. I stopped drinking coffee altogether, althouhg I still need some kind of caffeine in the mornings, so I started drinking green tea instead, since Nate says it's got some kind of flavoroids or anti-something-or-others that are supposed to be good for your brain.
I'm pretty much too embarrassed to show my face anywhere, though. I know Jeremy told freakin everybody about the lamp thing, cuz everywhere I go, people are like, "Whoa, keep this guy away from the appliances!" or "Bright light! Bright light!" I try to be a good sport about it, but it still kind of pisses me off. Hopefully I'll live this crap down by the time I'm getting my social security checks.
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