BETA-7.COM
SEGA: SCRAMBLING BRAINS SINCE 2K4


WHY FIGHT?TAKE ACTION!FAQARCHIVESEGASWINDLEBLACKOUTSDISCUSS


« 7TH BLACKOUT: CAUGHT ON TAPE | Main | "IN MY EXPERT OPINION, YOU'RE SCREWED" »

April 30, 2003

THE FEELING RETURNS TO MY TYPING FINGERS

Well, I'm now officially unemployed. I'm pretty sure I can't get unemployment either. I mean, I could argue it to somebody that I tried to call in sick, but screw it. I've got next month covered, fortunatly, as long as I eat like nothing but raman noodles all month.

Honestly, after what happened Sunday though, it seems like money is the least of my worries. I feel like i should be calling a priest or something. I haven't shaved in days, not that I've got that much of a beard to begin with, but still it's getting all itchy and stuff. After what I saw on the tape though, I'm afraid to have any sharp objects in my hands.

Here's what Sunday's tape shows:

I'm sitting there playing NBA 2k3 when suddenly, I drop the controller, get up and crouch down into a 3 point stance. I start yelling out a bunch of numbers like a NFL QB, and this is the part that really freaks me out, because it's like I'm hearing somebody else's voice. It's like I'm possessed or something. I mean, like, if my voice was this deep in high school the chicks would of been all over me. Then I sprint forward, tear through the TV tray-table, and freaking tackle my CD rack. The Cd's fly all over the place and then I yell out this sort of victory cheer and then collapse on the floor for about 20 or 30 seconds, then I get up and check the tape. My right arm and wrist are all bruised.

After I saw this, I was completely freaked out. I mean, like heart pounding, cold sweat, shaking, the works. I bolted to the window, and the neighbor's car isn't there, thank god, or that guy would of probably already been here kicking my ass for all the noise and stuff. I've never been so freaked or scared in my life. I mean, obviously, since it took me almost three whole days to calm down enough to even be able to write. I mean, I felt like I was in the twilight zone or something. I couldn't move or really do anything for like a day and a half. Every time the phone rang or the AC kicked on, or any little noise, I jumped. I didn't even bother calling in sick to work, and Pete called, but I didn't even answer, I didn't even care. What the hell was I going to tell him? What am I going to tell anybody? I felt like any second the dudes in white coats were gonna show up with a butterfly net. For a while I even kept checking the peephole for them.

There is now no doubt in my mind that these blackouts are a direct result of that beta test. I mean, I kinda figured it all along, but after seeing the tape, with the football stuff, there's no way it could be anything else. I can't explain what's happening to me, and I don't have any way of proving it yet, but I will. And when I do, these assholes are gonna have some kinda lawsuit on their hands! I mean, I lost my job over this crap, not to mention my sanity, and most of my friends, who now think I'm a complete nut case. Not that I'm one of these people who walks around hoping i'll slip and fall so i can sue someone, but if these people messed with my head, they need to fix it or be held accountable.

Posted by beta-7 at April 30, 2003 06:28 PM

Comments

Dude,

That has got to be the funniest shit i've ever seen. I never laughed so hard in my life. You're not going mental from a beta test, you're going mental cause you ARE mental. You and your friends are a bunch of nutjobs who are only good for a few good laughs. But keep it up, I'm laughing my ass off over here.

Posted by: David Scruggs at July 12, 2003 12:54 AM


Yeah, this will live in infamy, similar to the "I kiss you" guy!

Posted by: Ryan Campbell at July 12, 2003 02:44 AM


How could you have these so called "blackouts" if the beta test was in march?

Posted by: at July 13, 2003 10:34 AM


BRING ME DOOKIE!!!!

Posted by: at August 15, 2003 02:01 PM


First comment sums it up. This shit is hilarious, and thats all its good for!

Posted by: Beta-Fag at August 19, 2003 12:24 AM


I have bad news for you, unless you're already gay. That's not "just" a three point stance, and it has little to do with football. What your schizophrenic multiple personality is actually doing, may be far more unsettling to you, depending on how heterosexual you are. You are experiencing a visitation by an invert incubus.

Ass in the air, ready for those thrusts of invisible demondick, you aren't screaming out football numbers, my poor misguided friend. You are instructing your spectral visitor as to how many inches of his barbed lovetool you want shoved into your shredded fundament. You said it yourself: like you are "possessed or something." Well, it's the "something," and you're getting it in the ass.

When he pops his SatanSperm deep into your hindparts, your corporal body is thrust forward, which accounts for the violent forward motion you describe. The "victory cheer" and the 20 to 30 second collapse, are orgasmic manifestations of your encounter with a spectral asstearer.

Satan's minions, not being the sort to bestow a reacharound on their chosen buttbitch, left you to fend for yourself; thereby causing the bruising and soreness you complain of.

Try wanking with your left arm for a while. Your right has obviously taken a devilish beating.

Posted by: Scopata Fuori at August 25, 2003 10:11 PM


d00d, give it up... i've seen better shit on Jackass... and jackass sucked...

Posted by: at August 30, 2003 03:20 AM


This is the best & funniest website I have everseen in my life! Dude you should go into advertising, Just put this site on your resume and you will get a Job making 100+ Grand a year! Great fucking site! Great fucking job!

Posted by: Ken at September 4, 2003 10:26 PM




beta-7@beta-7.com